Donkeys, Fishing Poles, and Education.

The world class understands the difference between having and being. The word educate comes from the Latin word 'educo' meaning to educe, to draw out, to develop within. Does your 'education' help you develop your inner being, does it help draw out your essence? Or is education something you have acquired, like a cart of books tied to a donkey? The books do nothing for the donkey accept increase his burden, and if knowledge does not contribute to your being then it only increases your burden. The proper use of knowledge is as important, if not more so, than the knowledge itself.

The idea that learning should be measured by how much "what" you have acquired is ineffective. Rather learning should be measured by how much "how" you have acquired. It is through "how" that change occurs, not "what." When we use learning to acquire more and more "what" we make great Jeopardy contestants, but when we use learning to acquire more and more "how" we make great artisans, great teachers, great human beings. Learning 'what' a fishing pole is, is a far cry from learning 'how' a fishing pole works. With the former, you collect knowledge, with the latter, you collect fish.

The Paradigm Shift

Often times, we come to conclusions on very little factual information. Most of our opinions and conclusions come from the feelings we get, not from the facts on hand. In fact, often times when we do get the facts, a paradigm shift occurs, leading us to a different opinion or conclusion.

One evening, it was about ten at night, I pulled into a gas station to get gas. As I only had cash on me, I had to go to the clerk and pay for my gas before I could start pumping it. As I got out of the car and headed to the kiosk to pay for the gas, I noticed a man staring me down with what I concluded was a frustrated/angry look. He stared me down on my way to the kiosk, and stared me down as I returned to the pump. My internal thought stream was defensive and threatened. I started imagining the conflict this man was going to create for me. My heart started to pump and my mind started to race. I looked around for accomplices of his, I started to think about what I could use as a weapon to protect myself if it came to that, the fight/flight operatives started to take root in my mind.

Just as I was approaching my car, he approached me and as he did, his face relaxed, he started to look like a little boy who had lost his parents. He cleared his throat and said "I am sorry for bothering you, but I was robbed last night, and I don't have enough gas to get to work tomorrow. Would you mind lending me some money so I can go to work? I will be glad to take your address and send you the money when I get paid."

Needless to say, my muscles relaxed, my heart quit thumping. Once I had the facts, I realized he wasn't staring me down to create conflict, rather he was conflicted because he had to ask for money/help something he was uncomfortable doing. What appeared to be a threatening moment turned into a moment to help a fellow human out. One minute I thought I was going to have to protect myself, the next moment, I am helping out a person in need.

When the paradigm shift occurred, it created a whole new context for me to see the situation with.

Another time when I was at a coffee shop. I met a man who had no problem telling me about how great of a person he was. And he was great and had done some pretty cool things, but as he spoke and reminisced about his past, I saw him as a braggart,  someone who was very proud of himself and any respect I had for him was quickly fading.

We saw each other several more times in the coffee shop, and I would always see him in this light of being a braggart and would avoid conversation with him for the most part, other than the required niceties.

Then one day as we sat next to each other, we started another conversation and he told me about his wife and the illnesses she was going through. She required help every day. She was wheelchair bound, she required dialysis, she was diabetic, she had a deteriorating muscle disease as well. She required assistance for hours everyday, and he had been providing that assistance to her everyday for over twenty years.

As anyone will tell you that has had to do it, it is not easy taking care of a sick loved one. It not only requires patience and strength, but the mental fortitude that is required sometimes feels like you are required to be superhuman to make it through the day.

After that conversation, the paradigm in which I saw this man changed. I no longer even thought of him as a braggart, but rather, had deep respect for him and what he has committed himself to.

As humans, we are all subject to opinions and early judgments. If we can avoid confirmation bias, if we can quit assuming we have all the information on a subject or person, and if we can be open to having our opinions questioned, then we can allow ourselves to experience the paradigm shift that I have described in the stories above. It is only when we allow people/situations to be more than the opinions we have of them that we can truly make a difference in our lives and in the lives of the people that we interact with.

Life Is A Roller Coaster

Life Is A Roller Coaster.

Are you enjoying the ride?  Is your life a thrill or do you find yourself full of fear and anxiety? Is your life a ride you want to ride again, or are you waiting for the coaster to stop so you can get off?

Often times it just takes a few perspective changes and self awareness exercises to change the landscape and approach to your life.  At TPPDC, we teach people every week how to implement those changes and make those changes last forever.

If your not enjoying the ride, isn't it time you do?

520.329.1969
TPPDC

The Power Of Words, Turned Outside In.

The video above is touching.  It contains a great message, that often times it is not what we say, but rather, how we say it, that makes the difference.  I watched this video several times, thought about the implications when creating marketing to deliver a particular message about a particular product or service and wondered how many great products, services and ideas never saw success because of a poorly worded message.  I imagine the number is in the millions.

How many messages do we process on a daily basis?  Some studies indicate that the number is in the thousands.  What if each one was worded as well as this one, each one had an effective impact?  What if the most important messages we process through the day could have this impact?  What are the most important messages we process through the day? The ones we tell ourselves all day long, they have the most impact on what manifests in our lives on a day to day basis.

Our self talk is the single most important thing to be aware of.  Our self talk not only reveals our mindset, it determines how we are going to react throughout the day and it is what makes it possible (or impossible) for us to recognize opportunity when it comes our way. If you have never observed your self talk, it may be surprising.  We are our harshest critics, we manipulate the past to make it feel better, and we project into the future our worries and concerns. We have imaginary conversations that will never come to pass.  We use language with ourselves we would never use with anyone else. We misinterpret other people's reactions, we assume the wrong answers (though often times we delude ourselves into thinking we are mind readers), and we filter everything that comes to us through our self talk.  If our self talk is negative and debasing, what we experience will be negative and debasing, but if our self talk is healthy and supportive, there is no limit to what we can accomplish.  Our challenges become rewarding, and life's twists and turns become a source for excitement. Gratitude replaces regret, accountability replaces victim hood. The key to all self improvement begins with an inventory of and changing of your self talk.

A Letter To A Heart In Pain.

Often times the things we think we need to be happy are the very things that bring us pain later on. Xxxxxx, I have known you a long time and I KNOW that you need no one to complete yourself, but I am not sure you do. I agree with you, now probably is the time to put the walls up, sit with yourself and by yourself and get to know yourself better than ever before. Loving oneself is the first and only step needed to truly be able to love someone else.

Intimacy is tricky. I like to break the word down like this IN-TO-ME-SEE. That is why loving yourself is so important. If you can't look at yourself and love yourself, you will be incapable of allowing someone else to, or in other words, until you see into yourself, start to like what you see about yourself, you will never be able to find someone else who loves themselves and will allow you to get close to them. The neat thing about loving yourself is it gets easier and easier to see the people who don't love themselves and avoid getting involved with them, because invariably they will always hurt you, even when they don't intentionally mean to. Many of the women you have gotten involved with didn't mean to hurt you, they were just incapable of loving themselves so they couldn't ever really love you. When you love yourself you need no one else to love you, though it seems when you love yourself, you can never run out of people who do love you, it's as if by loving yourself you become a magnet for people to love you as well.

Another saying I have is "Expectations are just premeditated resentments." When you love yourself and can depend on that, you have no need to expect anything from anyone else. Thus, you avoid the resentment, because you never make the expectation. I have no expectations of the people I love, I just love them. If they choose a different path than the one we are sharing, it may be sad to see them go, but I know that I love myself so I will be okay, it is not life ending. Shortly after they go on their path, another joins me to share the time on the path that I am walking. Eventually they will grow a different direction and I will continue on my path. I think a major part of growth is change, and unfortunately, two people don't always grow the same way.

Remember when you came to Florida 23 years ago? In Springfield we were not even close to the friends we were in Florida. Florida was the time that our paths converged. Being new to Florida, we only had each other as friends, we depended on each other and had each other's backs. Then you grew one way, and I grew a different way. It wasn't a bad thing, after all, your fantastic career came as a result of your growth. Relationships are a lot like that, let it go, continue on your path and life will reward you with the rewards that come with accepting change.

Trust me Xxxxxx, you are okay. You don't need anyone else to love you, to be able to love yourself, you can do it all by yourself. Focus on you, let the details work themselves out and enjoy the fantastic life you have, because from where I am sitting, it appears to me that you have a fantastic life that lots of people would trade you theirs for yours.

Get your ass to Tucson, we will discuss it more. Take care buddy.

What the hypnotist told you...

  Imagine together we go to a hypnotist's stage show.  As we sit in the audience, he calls you up to the stage to participate in a demonstration.  He points you to a chair to sit in, and after you sit down, he proceeds to hypnotize you. While you are hypnotized, he sets an instruction in your subconscious that anytime you hear him say the word 'duck' you will stand up, start to flap your arms as if they were wings, and loudly quack like a duck.  After this, he instructs that you will have no recall of the time while you were hypnotized.  As you awake from the hypnotized state, you have no recall of what just happened and he instructs you to take your seat in the audience.
     After a few minutes, the hypnotist starts to talk about duck hunting, and as he does, you can't help it, you stand up, start to flap your arms like wings, and loudly quack like a duck, the whole time thinking to yourself "what am I doing? I am going crazy!" One of the interesting things about human behavior is that as we become more and more stressed, we fall further and further back into our subconscious programming, so as you stress about flapping and quacking, you fall back to your subconsciousness more and more, making you flap faster and quack louder. Needless to say, you are embarrassed and become very self-conscious at that point.  After leaving you on the hook for a couple of minutes, the hypnotist quits saying the word duck, and you are able to sit down and allow the stress to subside, though the confusion never really leaves.
     We all have been hypnotized. We had parents, grandparents, siblings, other family, other authority figures all show and explain the world to us.  Just as your capacity for reason is suspended during hypnotism and it cannot filter out/re-contextualize anything before it reaches your subconscious, a child's capacity for reason is non-existent at first, so a lot of the first beliefs you heard your parents talk about, became a reality for you.  Without exploring and questioning these "realities" we have carried since being infants, we cannot discover which ones are healthy for our development nor can we discover the ones that interfere with our goals and inspirations for ourselves.
     Now let's imagine the above story a little different.  Let's imagine that when you came off the stage and sat back down next to me, I leaned over to you and told you that he had hypnotized you, I then proceeded to tell you the instructions he placed in your subconscious.  Then when he starts talking about duck hunting a few minutes later, you now have a choice.  Your reaction/inclination will be to stand up, flap, and quack, but because you now know about the instruction that was placed in your subconscious, you are able to make a choice to do something different, mainly because your awareness of the instruction allows you to look at your behavior without stressing, without intensifying the instruction. Awareness eventually leads to change, but first it provides the confidence one needs to move forward and try something new.
     We have helped lots of people learn what the hypnotist told them.  Are you ready to learn what your early hypnotists told you and how it is limiting your life?  If you have the courage and the want to produce real change into your life, call us today, we will help you discover what the hypnotist told you. 520-329-1969

The progression of knowledge

I over heard an instructor with his student the other day talking about they way we learn.

He commented at first we are a unaware-incompetent, you don't know that you don't know. Then we become aware-incompetent, we know that we don't know. After that we can become aware-competent, we know.  And finally we become unaware competent, we no longer have to think about it, we just know it.

1. Unaware/Incompetent
2. Aware/Incompetent
3. Aware/Competent
4. Unaware/Competent

Do you invest in training to discover what you don't know?  Are you even aware that there are things about yourself you are not even aware of? Do you want to discover what stands in your way to unlimited success? It all starts with the awareness of your incompetence.  Once you know that you don't know, then the training can begin. Are you courageous enough to take that first honest step and discover exactly how limited you are?  If you would like to get to know yourself better than ever before, give us a call, 520-329-1969