Often times the things we think we need to be happy are the very things that bring us pain later on. Xxxxxx, I have known you a long time and I KNOW that you need no one to complete yourself, but I am not sure you do. I agree with you, now probably is the time to put the walls up, sit with yourself and by yourself and get to know yourself better than ever before. Loving oneself is the first and only step needed to truly be able to love someone else.
Intimacy is tricky. I like to break the word down like this IN-TO-ME-SEE. That is why loving yourself is so important. If you can't look at yourself and love yourself, you will be incapable of allowing someone else to, or in other words, until you see into yourself, start to like what you see about yourself, you will never be able to find someone else who loves themselves and will allow you to get close to them. The neat thing about loving yourself is it gets easier and easier to see the people who don't love themselves and avoid getting involved with them, because invariably they will always hurt you, even when they don't intentionally mean to. Many of the women you have gotten involved with didn't mean to hurt you, they were just incapable of loving themselves so they couldn't ever really love you. When you love yourself you need no one else to love you, though it seems when you love yourself, you can never run out of people who do love you, it's as if by loving yourself you become a magnet for people to love you as well.
Another saying I have is "Expectations are just premeditated resentments." When you love yourself and can depend on that, you have no need to expect anything from anyone else. Thus, you avoid the resentment, because you never make the expectation. I have no expectations of the people I love, I just love them. If they choose a different path than the one we are sharing, it may be sad to see them go, but I know that I love myself so I will be okay, it is not life ending. Shortly after they go on their path, another joins me to share the time on the path that I am walking. Eventually they will grow a different direction and I will continue on my path. I think a major part of growth is change, and unfortunately, two people don't always grow the same way.
Remember when you came to Florida 23 years ago? In Springfield we were not even close to the friends we were in Florida. Florida was the time that our paths converged. Being new to Florida, we only had each other as friends, we depended on each other and had each other's backs. Then you grew one way, and I grew a different way. It wasn't a bad thing, after all, your fantastic career came as a result of your growth. Relationships are a lot like that, let it go, continue on your path and life will reward you with the rewards that come with accepting change.
Trust me Xxxxxx, you are okay. You don't need anyone else to love you, to be able to love yourself, you can do it all by yourself. Focus on you, let the details work themselves out and enjoy the fantastic life you have, because from where I am sitting, it appears to me that you have a fantastic life that lots of people would trade you theirs for yours.
Get your ass to Tucson, we will discuss it more. Take care buddy.
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