The Paradigm Shift

Often times, we come to conclusions on very little factual information. Most of our opinions and conclusions come from the feelings we get, not from the facts on hand. In fact, often times when we do get the facts, a paradigm shift occurs, leading us to a different opinion or conclusion.

One evening, it was about ten at night, I pulled into a gas station to get gas. As I only had cash on me, I had to go to the clerk and pay for my gas before I could start pumping it. As I got out of the car and headed to the kiosk to pay for the gas, I noticed a man staring me down with what I concluded was a frustrated/angry look. He stared me down on my way to the kiosk, and stared me down as I returned to the pump. My internal thought stream was defensive and threatened. I started imagining the conflict this man was going to create for me. My heart started to pump and my mind started to race. I looked around for accomplices of his, I started to think about what I could use as a weapon to protect myself if it came to that, the fight/flight operatives started to take root in my mind.

Just as I was approaching my car, he approached me and as he did, his face relaxed, he started to look like a little boy who had lost his parents. He cleared his throat and said "I am sorry for bothering you, but I was robbed last night, and I don't have enough gas to get to work tomorrow. Would you mind lending me some money so I can go to work? I will be glad to take your address and send you the money when I get paid."

Needless to say, my muscles relaxed, my heart quit thumping. Once I had the facts, I realized he wasn't staring me down to create conflict, rather he was conflicted because he had to ask for money/help something he was uncomfortable doing. What appeared to be a threatening moment turned into a moment to help a fellow human out. One minute I thought I was going to have to protect myself, the next moment, I am helping out a person in need.

When the paradigm shift occurred, it created a whole new context for me to see the situation with.

Another time when I was at a coffee shop. I met a man who had no problem telling me about how great of a person he was. And he was great and had done some pretty cool things, but as he spoke and reminisced about his past, I saw him as a braggart,  someone who was very proud of himself and any respect I had for him was quickly fading.

We saw each other several more times in the coffee shop, and I would always see him in this light of being a braggart and would avoid conversation with him for the most part, other than the required niceties.

Then one day as we sat next to each other, we started another conversation and he told me about his wife and the illnesses she was going through. She required help every day. She was wheelchair bound, she required dialysis, she was diabetic, she had a deteriorating muscle disease as well. She required assistance for hours everyday, and he had been providing that assistance to her everyday for over twenty years.

As anyone will tell you that has had to do it, it is not easy taking care of a sick loved one. It not only requires patience and strength, but the mental fortitude that is required sometimes feels like you are required to be superhuman to make it through the day.

After that conversation, the paradigm in which I saw this man changed. I no longer even thought of him as a braggart, but rather, had deep respect for him and what he has committed himself to.

As humans, we are all subject to opinions and early judgments. If we can avoid confirmation bias, if we can quit assuming we have all the information on a subject or person, and if we can be open to having our opinions questioned, then we can allow ourselves to experience the paradigm shift that I have described in the stories above. It is only when we allow people/situations to be more than the opinions we have of them that we can truly make a difference in our lives and in the lives of the people that we interact with.