Goal Setting For 2013

Hello Friends.

The time of year has come that we recognize our accomplishments, raise our standards, and prepare to reach for greater heights. If you haven’t set your goals for 2013 yet, this blog post will serve as a good start to consider your goals. If you have set your goals, Congratulations, getting them written down is the first step of getting any great goal accomplished.

Hopefully what I share in the following paragraphs you will find helpful.


Have you taken the time to appreciate how far you have come?

It’s important you look back and recognize the progress you have made. Even if you did not reach all of your goals, in fact, even if you didn’t reach any of your goals, you are closer today than you were a year ago. Life is not lived by straight lines and we cannot truly know the path by which our future will travel, but the very nature of time implies progress, if nothing else.

To those of you who feel life is moving you away from your goals, the times in my life that felt I was going backwards and losing control were the times I needed to shed old ideas and behaviors. Without that “loss” I never would have had the gain and perception that the loss created. Even in those times, I was moving closer to my goal, sometimes at an accelerated rate.

Often times we treat our goals as if they are the horizon. The horizon is off in the distance; as we travel forward we are always walking towards the horizon but never reaching it. If our goal is to reach the horizon, we will never stop, because the horizon, by its very definition, is always in the distance. We only create frustration when we continuously set an ideal point ahead of us without recognizing the old ideal points we achieved. Because we are busy striving, we are not appreciating what we have accomplished. If you are constantly striving for something you will never accomplish, how much satisfaction can you truly feel about yourself? A feeling of satisfaction is an important step to achieving your goals, it creates a positive feedback loop on which we gain momentum so we can achieve even more satisfying goals.

Step back, find gratitude for the lessons of the past year, and appreciate yourself and your place in the universe.


What are your expectations?

What do you expect of yourself? What do you expect of your life? What kind of respect do you expect to give and receive in your life?

Expectations are important. They create a silent framework we build our perceptions on and bring the results we witness into our lives. The standards we hold ourselves and others to, are a result of the expectations we create.

Expectations can range from realistic to unrealistic. If we don’t push the expectations we have for ourselves, we don’t grow. If we expect too much growth too soon, we won’t grow either. Like most things in life, expectations are not lived in the extremes, rather the sweet spot is found in the middle. Constantly challenging ourselves, but yet not unrealistically doing so, puts us in the sweet spot for growth and development.

Our expectations of ourselves is how we push ourselves further and develop richer lives. If you think about it, aren’t expectations just goals that have moved from possibility to reality? Usually what we expect from ourselves has already been achieved or we assume we can achieve it, whereas a goal is something that stretches us past our points of comfort and guarantee.

The question then becomes, have you thought about what you expect of yourself and what areas of your life do you expect differently from yourself than you did last year and why? Do you have less resources, so you expect less of your discretionary spending? Or have you invested time and money into yourself and can now expect more of yourself as a result of your investment?

Have you been thinking about what goals to set for yourself in 2013?

If you have worked with me on your goals before, you know that I find it more important to “behavior” our goals than to “attitude” them. While setting goals, having a good attitude about them is important, but defining the behaviour that will make those goals possible is crucial. Without the behaviour clearly defined, you may reach your goal, but it will be at the hands of fate, the odds of you reaching your goal will be severely reduced, and usually negotiated by someone else’s terms.

There are typically three types of goals to start with;

• What do you want/need to have?
• What do you want/need to do?
• What do you want/need to be?

Notice all the above goal types have to do with you. Goals cannot be set for others or done for others. You can only set your own goals. You cannot set goals for other people, nor can they set them for you. You can have common goals with other people, you can work with people who have the same goal as you, but you cannot give someone a goal, they must pick it for themselves.

Take notice as well that “want” is in contrast to “need”.  We will always be limited by our perception of what we need. Need implies a lack when one is without what is needed, and so by it’s very nature need has a stronger emotion behind it than one of want. Wanting is a gain emotion, but by nature, pain and avoidance emotions are stronger motivators than ones of gain and want. If you don’t acknowledge your needs, you will not recognize when the feelings of need are overriding your feelings of want and therefore making you fearful as opposed to challenged or hopeful.

Sometimes, one type of goal needs to be achieved before another type can be achieved. If you need time, money, or other resources, should your goal be resources or resourcefulness? Often times it takes achieving the goal of being resourceful first to achieve the goal of achieving resources.

“Have” or “do” goals are goals that are outer world goals. They can be measured and witnessed by yourself or other people.. “Be” goals are inner world qualities, so there is no objective measurement of them. When you are happy, only you truly know if you are happy, and how happy you are. There is no happy meter that will measure a person’s level of happiness, just as there is no way to “increase” your self esteem, you either have it or you don’t. Self esteem and happiness are both inner world qualities that do not follow the same laws or rules as outer world qualities.


Remember...

Goal setting needs to include creating measurement “points” that allow you to recognize whether or not you are on track. Measurement “points” can be the accumulation of dollars or stuff, points on a scale towards a desired weight, time, distance, or anything that can be measured and measured externally by more than just one person.

These measurement “points” are as crucial as the compass is to navigation. If you set out on a journey and never check your compass heading to make sure you are on track, at minimum you will delay your arrival to your destination, at worse, you end up lost in the wilderness. Every great business plan, goal sheet, or battle plan has checks and balances built into them so adjustments that need to be made, can be. You probably had overestimated, underestimated, or didn’t foresee one obstacle or another as you created your plans. If you can’t measure your progress, you will not know how to adjust to compensate for those unforeseen or unplanned situations. In other words, after is has passed, you won’t know how far the storm blew you off course.


Happy Holidays and Have A Great New Year.

Matt

Donkeys, Fishing Poles, and Education.

The world class understands the difference between having and being. The word educate comes from the Latin word 'educo' meaning to educe, to draw out, to develop within. Does your 'education' help you develop your inner being, does it help draw out your essence? Or is education something you have acquired, like a cart of books tied to a donkey? The books do nothing for the donkey accept increase his burden, and if knowledge does not contribute to your being then it only increases your burden. The proper use of knowledge is as important, if not more so, than the knowledge itself.

The idea that learning should be measured by how much "what" you have acquired is ineffective. Rather learning should be measured by how much "how" you have acquired. It is through "how" that change occurs, not "what." When we use learning to acquire more and more "what" we make great Jeopardy contestants, but when we use learning to acquire more and more "how" we make great artisans, great teachers, great human beings. Learning 'what' a fishing pole is, is a far cry from learning 'how' a fishing pole works. With the former, you collect knowledge, with the latter, you collect fish.

The Paradigm Shift

Often times, we come to conclusions on very little factual information. Most of our opinions and conclusions come from the feelings we get, not from the facts on hand. In fact, often times when we do get the facts, a paradigm shift occurs, leading us to a different opinion or conclusion.

One evening, it was about ten at night, I pulled into a gas station to get gas. As I only had cash on me, I had to go to the clerk and pay for my gas before I could start pumping it. As I got out of the car and headed to the kiosk to pay for the gas, I noticed a man staring me down with what I concluded was a frustrated/angry look. He stared me down on my way to the kiosk, and stared me down as I returned to the pump. My internal thought stream was defensive and threatened. I started imagining the conflict this man was going to create for me. My heart started to pump and my mind started to race. I looked around for accomplices of his, I started to think about what I could use as a weapon to protect myself if it came to that, the fight/flight operatives started to take root in my mind.

Just as I was approaching my car, he approached me and as he did, his face relaxed, he started to look like a little boy who had lost his parents. He cleared his throat and said "I am sorry for bothering you, but I was robbed last night, and I don't have enough gas to get to work tomorrow. Would you mind lending me some money so I can go to work? I will be glad to take your address and send you the money when I get paid."

Needless to say, my muscles relaxed, my heart quit thumping. Once I had the facts, I realized he wasn't staring me down to create conflict, rather he was conflicted because he had to ask for money/help something he was uncomfortable doing. What appeared to be a threatening moment turned into a moment to help a fellow human out. One minute I thought I was going to have to protect myself, the next moment, I am helping out a person in need.

When the paradigm shift occurred, it created a whole new context for me to see the situation with.

Another time when I was at a coffee shop. I met a man who had no problem telling me about how great of a person he was. And he was great and had done some pretty cool things, but as he spoke and reminisced about his past, I saw him as a braggart,  someone who was very proud of himself and any respect I had for him was quickly fading.

We saw each other several more times in the coffee shop, and I would always see him in this light of being a braggart and would avoid conversation with him for the most part, other than the required niceties.

Then one day as we sat next to each other, we started another conversation and he told me about his wife and the illnesses she was going through. She required help every day. She was wheelchair bound, she required dialysis, she was diabetic, she had a deteriorating muscle disease as well. She required assistance for hours everyday, and he had been providing that assistance to her everyday for over twenty years.

As anyone will tell you that has had to do it, it is not easy taking care of a sick loved one. It not only requires patience and strength, but the mental fortitude that is required sometimes feels like you are required to be superhuman to make it through the day.

After that conversation, the paradigm in which I saw this man changed. I no longer even thought of him as a braggart, but rather, had deep respect for him and what he has committed himself to.

As humans, we are all subject to opinions and early judgments. If we can avoid confirmation bias, if we can quit assuming we have all the information on a subject or person, and if we can be open to having our opinions questioned, then we can allow ourselves to experience the paradigm shift that I have described in the stories above. It is only when we allow people/situations to be more than the opinions we have of them that we can truly make a difference in our lives and in the lives of the people that we interact with.